If we only get one representative from Fort Bend County to name a second-string Congressional candidate to replace Tom DeLay on the ballot, that person should be my friend Nelda.
| Susan DuQuesnay Bankston |
Nelda will sell out. I can promise you that. But, unlike the other people being considered for the position, at least Nelda will tell you about it and even proudly show you what she got for her vote, especially if it’s a pair of faux leopard skin tights. Nelda looks real good in faux leopard skin pants.
Nelda would be the perfect person to represent Fort Bend County Republicans. She wears a big ole beehive hairdo because “the taller the hair, the closer to God.”
She also reads the “Fort Bend Lifestyles” magazine from cover to cover each month because having a lifestyle is far more useful on the pathway to Fort Bend Republicanism than having an actual life. She lives in Sugar Creek, which means she wishes she could live in Sweetwater but should probably be living in First Colony because that’s what she can afford.
Think about it: The Republican meeting last week got personal. It was nasty. One of my friends who was there laughs that you could sit in the meeting and watch people mentally taking other folks off their Christmas card list.
Nelda wouldn’t do that. Nelda has a strong record of standing tall against the war to take tacky gilded imprinted Christmas cards out of Christmas. She also thinks those candy cane things in front of your house at Christmas should be mandatory to show you are a true Christian.
From watching the Republican spats here and here, one thing stands out like black roots on bleached blonde hair – this fight is waaaaay personal.
This fight isn’t about ideas or plans to recover our country. Nobody has mentioned the seething national debt, the war, health care, or immigration, and it may well be the only web discussion on earth with more than five responses where someone doesn’t mention the price of gasoline.
Again, Nelda’s your woman. Nelda has never had an idea but she hates plenty of people and has grudges that go back at least seven city council races and three school board elections.
The way Nelda sees it, the Republican in-fighting breaks down into four factions:
1. Anti-Eric Thode people
2. Anti-David Wallace people
3. Anti-Christian Coalition people
And, the only positive group in the bunch:
4. People who are pretty darned positive that Gary Gillen and Andy Meyers are idiots.
But, Nelda knows something that the other candidates don’t know. Nelda knows it doesn’t matter what Fort Bend does anyway because the 18 Republicans in all of Galveston County are going to power-broker with Harris County and Brazoria County to shut out the jokers in Fort Bend County.
But Nelda might get a pair of leopard skin tights out of the deal, and that’s one pair of fancy pants better than any other candidate would get.
(For those with short memories, here’s how the voting broke down between the counties 2 years ago.
Susan DuQuesnay Bankston is sometimes known to frequent Juanita’s, The World’s Most Dangerous Hair Salon
Nelda will sell out. I can promise you that. But, unlike the other people being considered for the position, at least Nelda will tell you about it and even proudly show you what she got for her vote, especially if it’s a pair of faux leopard skin tights. Nelda looks real good in faux leopard skin pants.
Nelda would be the perfect person to represent Fort Bend County Republicans. She wears a big ole beehive hairdo because “the taller the hair, the closer to God.”
