At 2:45 on Friday, June 2nd, an assistant district attorney needed a district court judge to unseal a document. According to everybody who was there, there was not a single district court judge in the courthouse anywhere visible to the human eye. The assistant DA had to get a judge on the phone to give orders to unseal the document.
| Susan DuQuesnay Bankston |
A whole lot of folks are upset as to why a district court judge would unseal a document for an assistant DA over the phone without a hearing or talking to the other lawyer involved. I ain’t one of those folks. I figure that if Judge Cliff Vacek wants to be a liberal activist Republican judge, that’s his business and God help him when the Republican Party realizes that they’ve been sold a bill of goods.
Nah, I ain’t upset over the Republican incestuous good-ole-boys at the courthouse doing favors for each other. I’m so used to that happening that I hardly even take notice any more.
However, there is something I’m wondering about. Where the fool tarnation were all our judges at 2:45 on a Friday afternoon?
I mean, it ain’t like those guys work for a living anyway. They have all manner of appointed assistant judges to do their actual work for them, at no thrifty gift to the taxpayers, I might add. You’d think that as nice as we are to them with our money, at least one of them could hang around on a Friday afternoon.
However, through the miracle of modern big time journalism, my personal crack investigative team has been able to undercover the Top Ten Probable Reasons Why Our District Court Judges Were All Gone On a Friday at 2:45 P.M.
10. In by 9 out by 5 moonlighting job at the dry cleaners got backed-up
9 Having robes shortened to keep from tripping on them while playing golf
8. It was Casual Friday and they don’t have anything casual. No, seriously. Nothing.
7. On weekly fact-finding tour of Nooky’s Erotic Bakery with Commissioner Andy Meyers.
6. Dude, all the gavels were broken. Can’t work without a gavel.
5. Little known fact: Congress passed “Every Friday Now Officially Judge-Off Day” Act.
4. Busy using finely tuned judge skills at the “Cutest Kitten Contest” contest down at Crazy Eddie’s Meat Locker and Domino Parlor. (Crazy Eddie has asked me to inform you that no kittens were harmed in the making of this contest. A few possums are really hacked off, though.)
3. Heard that Tom DeLay’s gun permit hearing was scheduled for that afternoon and they didn’t want to be around when a short angry guy with a bad grudge got his gun back.
2. “Hey, you expect us to sit there and flip a coin on a hot Friday afternoon? We’ve got better stuff to do. No, seriously. Stuff.”
1. Locked themselves in chambers to play Bailiff Hockey.
Susan DuQuesnay Bankston is sometimes known to frequent Juanita’s, The World’s Most Dangerous Hair Salon
Susan Bankston DuQuesnay
Richmond
